sleep, and other non-essentials

My poor blog is sadly ignored these days - so sorry, reader! I am finding my schedule to be more and more difficult to keep up with, but there aren't any frivolous things I can cut out.

Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Moderate Obstructive Sleep Apnea. For the past three years, I have been so tired and also have had difficulty losing weight. The first time I mentioned it to my doctor, she actually laughed! She laughed and said "honey, we're ALL tired and fat! This is America!". Well. I didn't pursue this with my doctors, but each time I went for something else, I mentioned how tired I was - and how healthy I was eating and seeing no results. The answer was always the same -- I was doing too much, I was stressed, I needed to slow down. It's legitimate advice - after all, I've opened two businesses in the past two years. Still.

I was convinced something was wrong with my thyroid. Although the original tests showed nothing, the research I've done shows that the most common tests for thyroid sometimes don't catch the problem. Recently I've changed doctors to a young, hip guy. He wouldn't do the more extensive thyroid test until I agreed to a sleep study. Um, okay. I sleep about 10 hours a night (yes, TEN) and still wake up tired. Sleep isn't my problem, being tired AFTER I sleep is my problem! I was just waiting for the results so I could actually get the tests I wanted.

Well, the results came -- I wake up between 25 and 45 times an hour - yeah AN HOUR - depending on what stage of sleep I'm in. Yikes. No wonder I've been so tired!! So now begins the long process of feeling better. First I had to wait 3 weeks for those results. Then I had to go back in for another overnight study where I wore a face mask and they tracked data to see what kind of air pressure relieved my symptoms. Now I wait another three weeks for the doctor to analyze that data, before driving down to San Jose (again) to talk with her about the results.

Then, and only then, can I get the prescription for the mask and machine I will wear while sleeping. Most people say it takes about 3 weeks to get used to wearing it, and that's only if you've gotten the right mask for your face, etc. So I'm about 6 weeks off from good sleep. I've been exhausted for three years now. I've been just pushing through it because I figured everyone was right, I just did too much. Now that I know what it is, though, I'm not really coping very well. I want relief, like now. Tonight. At the same time, I'm a little sad at the prospect of a nighttime face mask for the rest of my life. It will be a journey, that is for sure. One that I hope ends with feeling like a normal person again.

Happy Earth Day!

Easter!

We had a great Easter Egg Scavenger hunt this morning!! The Easter Bunny sure did leave some fun clues for the boys, and they are old enough to figure them out now. So, we're off to sit quietly in church with our sugar high! haha.

Seriously, though, can I vent about the state of parenting today? Yesterday we went to the Downtown Easter Egg Hunt for Livermore. I had talked to the boys all the way down about how if they even got one egg, they should be happy, and if they got 3 or 4, they should stop and let other kids get some. So we got there, and of course there is a crowd at the "starting gate". I felt like I was in the way, so I told the boys that they would be letting the 0-3 year olds go first, and that they should listen to the directions and go after the littler kids had their chance. I stepped off a ways to take their picture. So the little kids get their turn and finally the lady says it's time for everyone. I'm looking through my camera lens and - I don't see my kids. I started to get a bit worried as the crowd thinned out (they were near the front). I looked up and saw my kids craning their necks, trying to find me to see if it was alright if they went now. I'm having trouble letting go of the image of their polite little faces, waiting to get permission to go. I yelled to them "go! go!" -- but it was too late. All the eggs were gone by then. The lady running it was yelling through her bullhorn "If you have more than 6 eggs, share!". I kept passing parents whose kids had 20, 30 eggs in their basket, and my poor little guys standing there with nothing. I complained to the lady, who had an extra stash and gave my boys three eggs each. But they didn't find them! I was so upset. I passed a few parents that I like, looked down to see their kids had mounds of eggs in their basket.

I have to say, I'm disturbed. Am I raising my boys to be too polite??